You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 1

For my readers,by requestACKNOWLEDGMENTSThanks, again, to the usual suspects my agent, Nick Ellison, and Sarah Dickman, Arija Weddle, and Marissa Matteo at Nicholas Ellison, Inc. Jennifer Brehl, Kate Nintzel, Lisa G on the upstandingagher, Michael Morrison, Mike Spradlin, jackfruit tree Womack, Debbie Stier, Lynn Grady, and all my friends at William Morrow and, of course, to Charlee Rodgers, for correctting up with the frozen turkey bowling.Chapter matchlessGet Over It, a Lot of People Are exsanguineYou bitch, you bolt downed me You suckTommy had dear awakened for the first time as a vampire. He was nineteen, thin, and had spent his entire life between states of amazement and confusion.I valued us to be together. Jody spotter, pretty, long red hair intermission in her face, cute swoop of a nose in seek of a lost spray of freckles, a big lip bank-sm spikeed grin. Shed only been undead herself for a couple of months, and was still learning to be spooky.Yeah, thats why you spe nt the nighttime with him. Tommy pointed crosswise the noggin to the life-sized bronze statue of a man in a tattered suit. Inside the bronze shell was the ancient vampire who had off-key Jody. A nonher bronze of Jody stood next to him. When the two of them had g wizard bulge egress at sunrise, into the sleep of the dead, Tommy had taken them to the sculptors who lived on the ground floor of his structure and had the vampires bronzed. Hed thought it would give him time to think of what to do, and keep Jody from running transfer with the old vampire. Tommys mistake had been drilling ear holes in Jodys sculpture so she could hear him. Somehow, during the night, in advance the bronzing, the old vampire had taught her to turn to mist, and shed streamed out of the ear holes into the room, and well here they were dead, in cut, and angry.I privationed to get along roughly what I am, Tommy. Who else was going to tell me if not him?Yeah, unless you should redeem asked me befor e you did this, Tommy said. You shouldnt just kill a guy without a splutterg. Its inconsiderate. Tommy was from Indiana, and his mother had raised him to stool good manners and to be considerate of other peoples feelings.You had sex with me plot of ground I was unconscious(p), Jody said.Thats not the same, Tommy said. I was just universe friendly, ilk when you put a quarter in someone elses parking meter when they arent on that point you know they appreciate it later, even if they dont thank you personally.Yeah, wait until you go out in your jammies and wake up all sticky in a cheerleader outfit and see how grateful you are. You know, Tommy, when Im out, technically, Im dead. Guess what that strikes you?Well uh yeah, nevertheless youre not even kind. Youre just some foul dead issue. Tommy promptly regretted saying it. It was hurtful and mean, and although Jody was, indeed, dead, he didnt befall her foul at all in fact, he was pretty reliable he was in love with her, he was just a little embarrassed about the whole necrophilia/cheerleader thing. Back in the Midwest people didnt mention that furcate of thing unless a dog dug up a fire in some guys backyard and the police eventually discovered the whole human pyramid buried under the swing set.Jody sniffled, completely for effect. Actually she was projected that Tommy was now on the defensive. Well, welcome to the Foul, Dead Thing Club, Mr. Flood.Yeah, you drank my blood, Tommy said. A lot.Damn, she should keep pretended to cry. You let me.Again, being considerate, Tommy said. He stood up and shrugged.You just let me because of the sex.Thats not true, it was because you needed me. He was lying, it was because of the sex.Yes, I did, Jody said. I still do. She held her blazon out to him. I truly do.He walked into her arms and held her. She felt fearsome to him, even more amazing than she had before. It was as if his nerves had been dialed up to eleven. Okay, it was because of the sex.Great, she thought, in control once again. She kissed his neck. How do you feel about it now? peradventure in a minute, Im starving. He let go of her and stormed across the loft to the kitchen, where he pulled a burrito out of the freezer, threw it into the microwave, and hit the besideston, all in one smooth motion.You dont want to eat that, Jody said.Nonsense, it smells commodious. Its like every little bonce and pork piece is sending out its own delicious miasma of flavor vapor. Tommy used words like miasma because he wanted to be a writer. Thats why hed come to San Francisco in the first inject to take life in big bites and write about it. Oh, and to find a girlfriend.Put the burrito down, and back away, Tommy, Jody said. I dont want you to get hurt.Ha, thats cute. He took a big bite and grinned at her as he chewed. cinque minutes later, because she felt responsible, Jody was helping him clean bits of masticated burrito off the kitchen wall and the see of the refrigerator. Its l ike every bean was storming the gates of repressive digestion to escape.Yeah, well, being refried depart do that to you, Jody said, stroking his hair. You okay?Im starving. I need to eat.Not so much eat, Jody said.Oh my God Its the hunger. I feel like my insides are caving in on themselves. You should bugger off told me about this.She knew how he felt actually, she had felt worsened when it happened to her. At least he knew what was happening to him. Yeah, sweetie, were going to have to make a few adjustments.Well, what do I do? What did you do?I mostly fed off of you, remember?You should have thought this finished before you killed me. Im fucked.Were fucked. Together. Like Romeo and Juliet, only we get to be in a sequel. Very literary, Tommy.Oh, thats a comfort. I give the bouncet believe you just killed me like that.And turned you into a superbeing, thank you very much.Oh, crap, theres burrito spooge all over my new sneakers.You eject see in the dark, now, Jody said cheerful ly. Wanna try it? Ill get naked. You can explore at me in the dark. Naked. Youll like it.Jody, Im starving over here.She couldnt believe that he didnt respond to the naked persuasion. What kind of monster had she created? Okay, Ill find you a badger or something.A bug? A bug? Im not ingest a bug.I said thered have to be some adjustments.Tommy had been traffic with more than a few adjustments since hed come west from his hometown of Incontinence, Indiana not the least of which had been finding a girlfriend, who, while smart, sexy, and quick-witted, drank his blood and tended to fall unconscious at the exact moment of sunrise. Hed of all time suspected that she might have just picked him because he worked nights and could walk around during the day, especially since shed once said, I need someone who works nights and can walk around during the day, alone now that he was a vampire, he could close the threshold on that insecurity and open up another onto a whole new universe of insecurities hed never even considered before. The appropriate age for a vampire is quartet hundred years old he should be a bored and sophisticated creature, his human anxieties long since overcome or evolved into macabre perversions. The fuss with a nineteen-year-old vampire is that he drags all of his adolescent insecurities into the dark with him.Im really pale, Tommy said, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. Theyd figured out ahead of time on that vampires do, indeed, cast a reflection in a mirror, just like they could tolerate proximity to crucifixes and garlic. (Tommy had run experiments on Jody while she slept, including umpteen involving cheerleader outfits and personal lubricants.) And not just winter in Indiana pale. Im, like, pale like you.Yeah, said Jody, I thought you liked the pale.Sure, it looks good on you, but I look ill.Keep looking, Jody said. She was leaning against the door frame, garmented in tight black jeans and a half shirt, her hair fastened back and streaming down her back like a lenient red comet tail. She was trying not to appear too amused.Somethings missing, Tommy said. Something besides color.Uh-huh. Jody grinned.My skin gather ined up I dont have a single zit.Ding, ding, ding, Jody onomatopeed, signalise that Tommy had hit on the correct answer.If I had known my skin would clear up, Id have asked you to change me a long time ago.I didnt know how to a long time ago, Jody said. Thats not all, take off your shoes.I dont sympathise, I Just take off your shoes.Tommy sat on the distinctness of the tub and took off his sneakers and socks.What?Look at your toes.Theyre straight. My little toe isnt curing anymore. Its like Ive never worn shoes.Youre perfect, Jody said. She remembered finding out this condition of vampirism and being both delighted and horrified because now she felt that shed of all time need to lose five pounds five pounds that were preserved for eternity.Tommy pulled up the leg of his jeans and s tudy his shin. The scar where I hit myself with a hatchet, its gone.And it always allow be, Jody said. Youll always be perfect, just like you are now. My split ends even went away.Ill always be the same?Yes.Just like I am now.As far as I know, Jody said.But I was going to bring working out. I was going to be buff. I was going to have abs of steel.No, you werent.I was. I was going to be an awesome hunk of muscular man-meat.No, you werent. You wanted to be a writer. You were going to have little stick arms and get winded when you hit the back-space key more than iii times consecutively. Youre in great shape from working in the securities industry store. Wait until you see how you can run.You really think Im in great shape?Yes, I thought I make that clear.Tommy flexed his chest in the mirror, which showed not at all through his flannel shirt. He unlaced his shirt and tried it again, with little effect, then shrugged. What about the writer thing? Will my brain always be like this? I mean, will I get any smarter, or is that stuck in time, too?Well, yeah, but thats because youre a man, not because youre a vampire.You spiteful harpy.I think Ive made my point, Jody said.Jody had put on a red leather jacket, even though she could no longer feel discomfort from the cold fog glide path in off the Bay. She liked the way it looked with her black jeans and a necked black lace camisole shed rescued from a Nordstrom Rack butt in before some slut got hold of it. Come on, Tommy, we need to go find something for you to eat before we run out of night.I know, but I have something I have to do. Give me a minute. He was in the bathroom again, this time with the door shut.Jody heard the zipper of his jeans go down, then a slightly breathless man-scream. The bathroom door flew open and Tommy, his pants and underwear around his ankles, bunny-hopped in two great leaps across the bedroom.Look at this. Whats happening to me. Look at this He was pointing furiously to his penis. It s like Im some radioactive mutant freak.Jody went to him and grabbed his hands held him steady, looked him in the eyes. Tommy, settle down. Its just your foreskin.I dont have a foreskin. Im circumcised.Not anymore, Jody said. Evidently, when you turned, it grew back, just like your toes straightened and your scars all went away.Oh. You dont find it creepy, then?No. Its fine.You want to touch it?Thanks. perhaps later.Oh, sorry, I freaked. Didnt realize. I uh I still feel like I have to finish what I was going to do.Thats fine, Jody said. Youre fine. You go finish up. Ill wait.Youre sure you dont want to give it a quick fondle?If I do, can we get out of here?Probably not.Well then, back in the bathroom you go. She spun him around and gave him a gentle shove. He bunny-hopped his newly vulcanized foreskin back into the bathroom and closed the door.Jody shuddered at the sound of the door closing. She hadnt thought about whether or not Tommy would retain his incessant hot pants aft er he turned, she had just wanted a companion who could understand what she was, what she felt, what the world looked like through vampire eyes. If it turned out that he was going to be nineteen forever, she might end up having to kill him for real.